Friday, March 13, 2009

Brunette Is The New Blonde- 'cause im in Vienna

So quiting my job, leaving my family and friends behind (love you Xen), and giving away my car aside... I did finally follow my heart to Europe (namely Vienna but thats not really the important factor here). Ahh Europe, where you get assigned seats at the movies, the toilet is made with a balcony for displaying your masterpiece once you've finished, and not to mention where the "Z" and the "Y" have played musical chairs on the key board making it extra annoying to write a post. Its quite sensational, and if you would like further and deeper explanations of the craziness listed above, please feel free to inquire, I assure you, it can be entertaining hahah. Yes Im finally here.

So the differences are quite frequently throwing themselves at me. Mostly, as the title of this post startes to describe, there are more blondes here than brunettes. And i dont mean the trashy staten island type blonde hair which is accompanied by an orange, almost nucleaur, glowing skin. I mean the kind of blondes you see accompanied by German shouts that you saw in Holocaust movies hahah.. its great. I feel like their sky blue eyes can pierce through my jacket and see the yellow star on my bicep. Well ok, its not so bad. I guess thats something thats instilled in you, but once you look around, you realize they their beautiful blue eyes to good use as they stare abhoringly at almost everyone. That makes it easier :)
And the good thing about the blonde situation, is that I can finally be the blonde, while being a burnette.. following me here? well in the center of town that is. Thats where all the pure breds hang out with their blonde manes shimmering as they prance about.

My street is nice and diverse. I live about 3-4 blocks away from the "booming"* shopping street (* when I saw booming, please remember this is Vienna, which means the shopping area is about 8 blocks long and one street wide, and closes at exactly 10 min to 6 or so) known as Mariahilferstrasse. No no, you can do it. Maria-hilfer-shtrasse. See, not so bad.. Which brings me to German.
Its strange, but when I was a traveler, I didnt mind not knowing the language. In fact i was pround to try and sound out these gutteral words out to locals, and show them that I respect them enough to try to speak their language. But now, being a local, well at least being a temporary resident haha (I wont get too ahead of myself), I find it abnoxious that they keep throwing it in my face how good their German is. I mean honestly! Do you HAVE to speak on your cell RIGHT next to me.. if you dont mind, I dont appreciate you mocking my lack of knowledge of German and thus making it IMPOSSIBLE to eavesdrop on your conversation! So please, stand next to someone who can appropriatley do so. Hahah.. well in all seriousness, It feels like they're all ganging up on me, staring at me, probably telling their friend on the other side of the phone how bewildered I look. So I'm forced to stand on the train in misery. And once in a while, when I feel- as the British say- cheeky, I whip out my own damn cell and in PERfect, AMERICAN English, I pretend to talk to Marian (damn woman.. PICK UP!! I need to look super cool!).
I think I have adjusted to the cool demeanour of the Ausies.. oh wait thats taken.. hmm, Austies? Yea that will work. I think I have adjusted to the cool demeanour of the Austies, and now I enjoy walking around, exploring. It was a bit frustrating at first that no one makes eye contact, I mean even in NY you do that when theres only the two of you on a cross walk waiting for the light to change, or passing on a narrow street in opposite directions. And even damn men dont like to look.. I swear they know Im a Jew! But yes, aside from the occasional Italian tourist, Rico Suave glances are never seen around these parts. And thats fine with me now. I just get back at Vienna by not doing my make up as often hahah.. I gather not to many of you will understand the logic of that statement, but i wont go into that. In fact, I dont think Ill go into much more, as Im sure ive lost most of you by now. Novels arent appreciated by those who have jobs and can only read this during a small window of boredom.
The only thing I will say, aside from telling you that when you ski here (just small mountains) they dont have lifts to get you to the top, but ASS STICKS, which you shove up your ass practically and it drags you ever so gently up the mountain while your skiis stry to stay as straight as possible to ease the pain of getting ripped a new one. But the funnest part comes when youre at the top, and you have literaly a second to remove your new closest friend out of your ass before drags up into neverneverland, by your ARSHE. Right, so aside from that, There are awesome places, cool rich snobs, a new outlook, and more walking that Ive gained. I went shopping my first week here, for food, and thought it would be an AWESOME idea to surprise Emir with a fridge full of food at our new place. So I went like a good little house wife, down to the food store (about 10 blocks away), and loaded the cart with anything and everything. Only to realize AFTER Ive paid for everything- and returns are myth to Europeans- that I HAVE NO FUCKIN CAR IN EUROPE!!!! yea well, needless to say my back and arms were soar the next day, but I did manage to SLOWLY drag this shit to the appartment. Im proud of myself.. well not the lack of prethought, but more the ability to stick with my stupitidy and work it out hahah..
Gotta love it!


Raisa said...

you are an amazing writter. your story made me laugh, especially the food shoping experience. you describe everything so well, it's like i'm there with you.
love raya.

Yev said...

yay i got a shout out in the first sentence :) love you too... i miss you... btw i understand you getting back at the "Austies" (love that) - cuz they are loosing out on the complete beauty they can experience... unfortunately for you you look great with or without make up - so they are still benefiting from your presence... also i appreciate the novel writing but im afraid my comment is competing with the length of your story so ill say bye for now...can't wait to see you :D

Karmasitter said...

Hahaha! Well done...and THANKS for the call last night. I was jealous, as while you're listening to world class DJs, I was working another 13 hour day (sigh) But it was awesome to hear your voice :) As far as the "Austies" not looking at you, maybe they're all just cross-eyed and ARE looking at you. Or maybe not looking is the new looking in Europe. Next time you're carrying 35 bags back to the apartment, try doing those explosive squats I taught you - while raising your arms at the same time. Love you boobsy!

Anonymous said...

look, i commented!

Follow Me by Email